Songs of Stalag 13
by eternal stars 5
Summary: A collection of one-shots based off of various Disney songs. How would you incorporate childhood songs into the day to day life of the guys at Stalag 13? A challenge to myself after reading Fear-of-the-cold's story, Walt Disney Presents: Stalag 13. Thanks to Sgt. Moffit for the suggestion of creating my own lyrics, although I know it has been done before. Please Read and Review.


**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Hogan's Heroes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I took down my first story after receiving some advice from Sgt. Moffit, some of which regarding potential copyright issues. Instead of attempting to incorporate the lyrics of various Disney songs into the life of the boys at Stalag 13, I have now created my own lyrics based off of those songs. Thank you, Sgt. Moffit for all of your help!

The song that was the inspiration for this chapter is entitled "The Hula Song" and is found in the class Disney movie, The Lion King.

"Psst! Hey, Schultzie!"

Corporal Louis LeBeau poked his head out the door of Barracks 2 and glanced around. Spying his target resting on a bench a few feet away, he rolled his eyes and carefully approached the dozing guard.

"Schultz! Wake up!" LeBeau poked at the fat Sergeant, eyes darting around the darkened compound to check for any other guards.

"Was? Was ist los?" Schultz's eyes flew open and he fumbled around for his rifle. Finally making his way to a "ready to shoot" position, he relaxed almost immediately when he recognized the small figure.

"What are you doing out here, Cockroach? It is against regulations for prisoners to be out of their barracks after dark!" Glancing around for the spotlight, he drew himself up, trying to look like the efficient, forceful German guard he knew he _ought _to be.

"I don't want any of your monkey business!" He continued sternly, as LeBeau opened his mouth to speak. "I am finally up for another 3-day pass, and if the Kommandant finds you out here, he -" Schultz froze, aiming his gun at LeBeau, who, in phony tableau, had his hands held above his head. They both waited for the beam of the searchlight to sweep over them.

Once they returned to relatively safe darkness, Schultz resumed speaking. "Back! Back! Back!" he grumbled, ushering LeBeau towards the barracks, for once not letting the fiery Frenchman get a word in otherwise. Using his ample stomach to physically force LeBeau back inside, the usually genial guard slammed the door behind him and went back to his post, still grumbling.

Inside the main room of the barracks, LeBeau was met with several curious pairs of eyes. Only offering a shrug in response to their wordless queries, he made his way across the floor and knocked gently on the door that led into Colonel Hogan's private quarters.

"Come in." He heard a voice softly call out. Closing the door behind him, LeBeau turned to see Hogan pause, one foot upon the lower bunk of his bed. A slightly startled look was thrown his way, and he watched as the Colonel continued lacing up his boots.

"What are you doing here, LeBeau? I thought that you were out with Schultz on strudel duty." With one final tug on his boot, Hogan straightened up and turned to face LeBeau head on.

He was fully dressed in his "goon get-up", LeBeau noticed, in preparation for this night's planned activities. This time, Hogan was taking on the role of an esteemed SS General - complete with real brass and ribbons. After all, the man he was replacing was currently under guard in their tunnel system below. _Why not let the Bosche help us out, for once? _LeBeau mused.

Realizing Hogan was still waiting for an answer, he quickly replied, "Oui, mon Colonel. I have the strudel nice and hot, waiting on the stove." He paused, and Hogan raised an eyebrow, waiting to hear the rest of it.

LeBeau sighed. Slightly shamefaced, he muttered "Schultz didn't even let me open my mouth. Just pushed me straight back into the barracks and walked away." He raised his head up slightly, and continued, "If you ask me, mon Colonel, he is still upset with us from when Kommandant Klink found out we were playing poker under his watch."

Hogan frowned slightly, looking down as he recalled the incident to which LeBeau was referring. A few weeks back there had been a general visiting from Berlin, to inspect the camp and see for himself the only "escape-proof camp in all of Germany." Normally, a visit of this nature was of little concern to Hogan and his men - in fact, they would often try and take advantage of the situation by listening in for any information let slip that they could then send off to London.

This time however, Klink's extra security measures were making things rather tense in regards to the operation, as the prisoners had several of their own "visitors" down below in the tunnels, waiting to be processed out. At one point during the visit, things became a little dicey and they were at risk of discovery. Fortunately for everyone involved, the men in the barracks managed to cover up everything through a quickly established poker game.

Unfortunately for them, the visiting general was a stickler for rules - and took it upon himself to enforce them in exacting detail, including "No Gambling in the Barracks", a rule often disregarded by both prisoners and guards alike. The general took great delight in hassling Colonel Klink about the "egregious breach". Klink, furious and embarrassed at the dressing down he received, took it out in turn on poor Schultz, who was in charge of making sure the prisoners behaved properly.

Hogan had felt bad for the portly guard at the time, as the prisoners certainly hadn't intended to get him in trouble. In the following few days, Schultz had been a little frosty towards his charges, but the kindly Sergeant was too big-hearted to stay mad for long, and Hogan had thought the event had blown over. _Evidently, _he thought to himself, _Schultz isn't going to take any chances of risking losing his next pass. _

This fact troubled him, as having Schultz out of the way was imperative to the mission that was about to take place this evening. Hogan took a minute to think the problem through, absentmindedly watching LeBeau fiddle with a loose thread out of the corner of his eye.

Kinch, Newkirk and Carter were already down in the tunnels, with the SS General whom Hogan was impersonating. Kinch was to stay below next to the radio and mind the store, watchful of messages coming in through the radio from London and the Underground. Newkirk and Carter were to take the General out of camp via the emergency tunnel and meet a courier plane that would pick him up and take him to London for questioning.

He, himself, was supposed to slip out of the barracks and into the guest quarters, where a member of the Underground posing as the SS General's personal secretary was staying. The woman, code name "Sleeping Beauty", had come to Stalag 13 earlier that evening, under the guise of altering Colonel Klink to the General's arrival. She would stay within the guest quarters and wait to meet up with Hogan - she had several important papers in her possession that were stolen from the captured general. These papers, she claimed, were vital to the Allied war effort and needed to be transmitted to London immediately.

Due to the increased risk of such a sensitive mission being carried out right under the noses of the German guards in camp, Hogan wouldn't let anyone else but himself make contact with Sleeping Beauty. Despite the danger of the mission, the plan was relatively simple: send LeBeau to distract Schultz, slip out of the barracks and into the guest quarters.

They had done several of these types of missions before, and without all the fanfare of dressing up. However, it was the second part of the mission where things got difficult. Klink expected the SS General to arrive at the camp in the evening. To keep up the cover story, Hogan would have to enter the Kommandant's quarters in disguise, kick up a fuss about the poor quality of the camp, and then storm out with "his secretary", before slipping back into camp through the emergency tunnel. He was counting on the lateness of the hour and the fear of the SS General's reputation to prevent Klink from looking too closely at who exactly was doing the screaming and shouting.

_I'll have to time it carefully, too. _He mused thoughtfully to himself, _As I'm not actually entering the camp as the General. We'll do it at the changing of the guards - that way each pair will think the other let *him* in... But we can't do anything if I can't get out of this barracks!_

Hogan looked back up at LeBeau, who was still standing in front of the closed door, patiently watching him and waiting for further instructions. He ran a hand through his thick, black hair and sighed.

"We don't have time to plan anything else LeBeau," Hogan said to the corporal. "You'll just have to go back out there. Take the plate of strudel with you this time. I don't care what you do - sing and dance if you have to! - but Schultz _needs to be occupied _so I can slip out and meet our contact. London is counting on us for the information."

LeBeau sighed and nodded, recognizing the truth in his commanding officer's words. He turned to leave the room, Hogan following behind him. Together they crossed to the other side of the barracks, LeBeau pausing at the stove to_"_ carefully take the plate of hot strudel with him. As he brushed passed the Colonel on his way out the main door, Hogan's hand reached out and briefly squeezed his upper arm.

"Bonne chance, mon Colonel." He whispered in return, and then set off once more to find his quarry.

Outside in the compound, LeBeau paused in front of the closed barracks door. He knew Hogan was on the other side, waiting until it was safe to slip out. While he sometimes hated the fact that he was always assigned to "strudel duty" he couldn't deny it's importance on a mission like this. _In fact, _LeBeau thought, _tonight just proves that it's essential to even have the mission started! _ With that thought in mind, LeBeau looked around the dark camp in front of him.

He spotted Schultz rounding the corner on the west side of the barracks, and carefully followed after him, ducking under the searchlights twice. Steeling himself, he called out once again to the rotund guard, gesturing for him to come back out front, so that Hogan could see what was going on. Schultz reluctantly lumbered towards him, and LeBeau turned, so that the guard was now facing away from the door. Perfect.

LeBeau could see that Schultz was suspicious, and getting agitated from his second forbidden presence out of bed that night. But before the guard could say anything, LeBeau took a deep breath and opened his mouth. _The Colonel did say to do what I had to, _he thought. Before he lost his nerve completely, LeBeau started to sing:

_"Hey!_

_Aren't you hungry for a nice big piece of apple cake?_

_Being out in the cold does not a good feeling make!_

_Come, sit down, sample this homemade pastry_

_All you have to do is listen to me!"_

Schultz, confused by the fast-paced lyrics of the Cockroach's song, was nonetheless tantalized by the delicious smells coming from the covered plate he held in his hands. Eagerly, he kept his eyes on the little Frenchman, eager to do whatever he could to sample the delight of his cooking. LeBeau, encouraged by the guard's rapid change of behaviour, continued his song:

"_Are you hungry?"_

_"Ja, ja, ja!"_

_"For this pastry?" _LeBeau continued, an amused smile on his face as his queries in song brought out an enthused response from the teddy-bear-like guard.

_"Ja, ja, ja!"_

_"Here's some strudel!_

_Come find me later for more!_

_Voila!"_

And he handed the plate of strudel to the eager guard, who passed off his rifle and began to eat.

Unnoticed by both of them, a dark figure slipped out from the barracks behind them, an amused smile playing across his lips.

_Mission accomplished._


End file.
